My daughter and I share many personality traits, some good and some not so good. Today she is in the process of losing her last baby tooth and watching her reminded me of me. Maybe it will remind you of you as well.

Near the end of dinner tonight my daughter cried out that her loose tooth had broken. She calmly removed that part of her tooth from her mouth, and then the world began to fall apart. My wife immediately responded with, “let me pull the rest of it out.” Instead of those words comforting my daughter, it moved her to tears. The last thing she wanted was her Mom pulling her tooth, or what was left of it. That is where I saw myself.

When I was a kid, I held on to every baby tooth until it fell out on its own. My desire for control and fear of the potential pain and bloodshed made any argument in favor of “pulling” seem totally ridiculous. My logic was completely irrational, but it was also totally consuming. You would have had to knock me unconscience to get at a loose tooth in my mouth. My parents yelled and threatened and even punished me, but I never gave in.

Here I was, all these years later, watching it happen again and trying to move my daughter past that horrible place in her mind that I knew so well. We reminded her that if there was any pain, it would only last for a second. We reminded her how freakishly skilled her mother is at pulling teeth.  We warned her against infection. We reminded her of the many times in the past that we had gone through hours of tears and conflict only for her Mom to end it in a flash after she had stopped fighting us off. All of it to no avail. At this point, late Saturday evening, there is still a little piece of her last baby tooth in her mouth.

Now, in the heart of the emotions that swirled immediately following the break of the tooth, we reached a point where we gave our daughter a choice. She was crying and complaining that it hurt, but would not let us help and so I said something like this to her, “If you are really hurting and you want to get better, we know what to do and can do it, you just have to let us help. But, if you aren’t going to let us help then you need to stop crying and complaining because you are choosing to keep the pain.”

I know that God is a much better father than I am, and I don’t feel comfortable assigning these words to Him (this isn’t a quote from the Bible). But, at least when it comes to His relationship with me, I wonder how many times God could have said these words to me. Are these words what you need to hear right now?

Again, I am not comfortable saying that God is saying these words to to you. He may never speak this way. But, there are times in every one of our lives when we need a good friend to say these words to us. You may be reading this blog and not know me at all. You may know me and not consider me a good friend. We may know each other, and yet I have no idea what is going on with you, what is your “broken tooth” today?

If you have a “broken tooth,” please hear me say this in love: If you have an area in your life that is broken and you are going through pain, there is a Heavenly Father who wants to go through it with you and knows exactly what to do to help you heal and move forward. Yes, there may be pain in the process. Yes, you are going to have to give up control and replace fear with trust. Yes, it may get bloody before it gets better. But He knows what He is doing and it will be the fastest way to get past the brokenness and to the other side!

The other half of what I want to say may be more difficult to hear, but I also say it in love: You may be able to push your Heavenly Father away and deal with it yourself. It will take longer and it be more painful and be more dangerous, but you may be able to resolve it yourself. But, if you choose that path (and take responsibility for the fact that you are choosing that path) then please don’t continue to cry and complain to others when you don’t really want help.

Even though you are reading this, I can’t say for sure that I know you or you consider me a friend. However, I am confident that  just as it is true that the moment my daughter is ready for us to help her with her tooth, we will be there, it is also true that when you are ready for help God will be there. I also believe that for everyone reading this blog there are also people who will be there.

The greatest thrill I have in life is joining with someone who seriously is ready to deal with their brokenness, trust God, and do whatever it takes to heal and move forward. One of the greatest challenges is watching hurting people refuse help over and over while continuing to cry and complain.

I am praying that as a result of this blog someone would finally let God “pull their tooth.” And, my request to you, is please be a good enough friend to me that if you catch me crying and complaining while refusing help, point me back to this blog so I will move forward and be healed.